| Since I am at OC currently, the only things that can change right now are that profile pic and other such cosmetic changes. This is the last actual post that I shall make on this page.
However, it is likely that I will make another xanga for college. Granted, this does make everything that I'm going to do seemingly pointless, however I am doing what my original goal was. This site is posterity to my high school life. Sure, I'll still be found, but I'm never going to be like this again. Thus, I leave a marker.
If I recall correctly, I started this xanga sometime during the end of sophomore year, or the beginning of junior year. I have no desire to check, but that is the gist of the age I was. I have changed massively since then. I'm now older; I've had a girlfriend; I've broken up; I've performed in a band; I've become politically interested; I've been in many more musicals; I've found new friends; I've seen people grow. I'm no longer a boy scout. I no longer run nearly as much. I'm probably going to switch churches. Yet those things are just facts that don't take much research to discover. Those items of interest don't carry with them much of said interest.
There's more to the story.
My first memory of high school was stepping out into the street and almost getting hit my Preston's sister, as I later found out. It set the tone for that day, and I was a bit scared. I lost that feeling fairly quickly, though, as I found new friends and discovered the layout of the building. My last true memory of high school was...I recall the concept of the last day. I remember thinking about how I'd feel. I don't particularly remember doing anything special at school besides being slightly more reluctant to leave. These two endpoints show nothing at all about what it was like in high school. It is somewhat interesting for me, though.
I remember noticing certain things about some people. In freshman year, I made a name for myself by writing those "Me and I" papers. I remember having a crush on Lori (the elder) then, which may have been somewhat apparent. Regardless of how I felt, she did inspire one of my first quixotic writings. I recall how I felt about Kyle Platt the first time I met him: he sucked at giving clues in Ancient History. Later, in Drama I, he and I bonded a bit more, as did myself and Derek. And others, actually. Drama ended up being fairly important for me. Zack I also met there, though the Beaver version was in Oklahoma History with me, I think. At the time, I didn't know them, nor would I realize how close I was to them until 2 years later.
Math was fun freshman year, as for 3 days I was in Algebra I, which got referenced in Algebra II. I missed the "i" song in that class. I ditched the second half of 3rd block sometime freshman year, which was bad because that class ("Academic Team", or "Professional Mentorship: Group") ended up being quite nice. There I met Tanner L...o...well, I've forgotten how to spell his last name. He antagonized me, yet he helped me memorize pi. That is, I made it my quest to memorize more than him. I did. I stopped somewhere in the 4th quarter, I believe.
Academic Team set the foundation for my schooling. I was in it for 3 years with the same teacher, and I led the team to hell my fourth. I learned a great many things, and forgot an equal or greater amount. I nearly memorized the X-Men II cast unintentionally, which came into play in one round. There's too much to say about that class.
Mu Alpha Theta...the only thing noteworthy that is good is I gave it a presence in the STUCO meeting. Otherwise, I think I ruined it for everyone. I should not have been president, yet anyone else might have done little better. I had the potential to be good, but others would have lived to their more limited potential. It is dead, I think, as much as the academic team is.
I honestly shouldn't have been class treasurer, as I see it, because many other people would have had better schedules and worked harder than I did. That said, we completed the year, so at least I didn't ruin it. Hopefully the reunion will be nice. Oh, and I had that inspirational thought.
Sophomore year holds little memory for me. I suppose it was good, but I didn't do much. Sure, it was the year of Trig(dor), which was interesting in my right-to-left working style, but other than learning some radial ideas, that class didn't inspire me. English II, however, did.
Ender's Game might have been that year. I later would read nearly every other book in the series (I haven't read all of the Bean side stories). Also, English II was where I heard Drops of Jupiter for the first time. This is important.
This year I dropped memorizing pi. I dropped trying to do well in school the second half of junior year...mainly, and screwed myself senior year. I wasn't valedictorian since freshman year, so that was fine. Junior year isn't so much of a disappointment, however.
I took the Beaver's to school and from all this year and senior year. Also, this is the year that I could drive. There are adventures of that sort, but that isn't the idea of this article (yet?). I had my Daewoo, and I had a job. I recently cashed in what were probably two of my first paychecks; ~$180.00. Junior year was when my hormones started testing me.
I am not a feminist, and I dislike feminism. This is generally a turn-off. I don't not like the concept of gender equality, but I don't see it as an issue. Granted, I am a man, and I get paid more than my female coworkers (which is a lie, of course), and I obviously expect women to fall at my feet at every whim, but I don't see the problem. I am not a desirable guy. I'm not too undesirable either; I'm average. I see no reason for change. I am not as affected by discrepancies as others. Yet, I do like girls, women, females, etc. I am a typical male. I don't have too many issues with gayness either, but I like the opposite gender. I digress...
This year I started noticing things. I started noticing how people acted, how people talked. I saw relationships and breakups. I wanted that. Yet I now realize that even now I am not prepared for a relationship, even given that I've been in one. Junior year was a year of youthful ignorance. It was okay for me to be somewhat sophomoric. This year was creative writing year, and that was good. This was the year of Calculus, and that was good. Last year I did take pre-Calc with Cheney, and that as well was good. Yet I wanted more.
This was the year of My Fair Lady, my best performance at West. I characterized myself better than...I think any performance I've done. While this means that I haven't done much, nor many good things, it still is nice. It was a year of awkwardness, as I tried to woo someone. No, it didn't work at all. Actually, I'd be pretty embarrassed were it not totally awesome that I at least tried. I was one of those people, the people who pride themselves in at least taking a risk even if failure is the result. Weeeee. I recall one incident with said person, due to another person being sick...and so the year went. My enamourment caused me, and I suppose still causes me, to see this person differently than everyone else did. This, I suppose, leads me to the next thought.
I didn't party or drink or smoke at all through high school. I knew people who did, just as I knew some gay people. I didn't pick up on these facts very quickly, however, and thus my views were skewed as a result. I saw valor in people who were selfish; I believed some people had good hearts who did detrimental acts. These impressions generally didn't change. This is a trait that affects me more than the usual person, as I am slow on the uptake. This causes my initial views to change slower, and this can be abused. Fortunately, I was not important enough for my views to be required.
The only thing I wish to note here is that the combination of my feelings Junior year conflicted with my feelings over the summer (the only time I've truly acted by being natural), leading to interesting stuff Senior year.
And here it is. My last year in high school. Thoughts? I accomplished much of what I set out to do. I had a band and a girlfriend, I tried school politics, and I was perhaps a bit more forceful. I was known, the jacket was known, and everything ended up dandy.
What then, is left to say? I've enjoyed the years. I've been so phenomenally depressed that I've wondered how I wouldn't commit suicide, and I've been blissful. I've tempered my feelings quite often, so things haven't gotten too out-of-hand. I've prepared myself somewhat well for college, I suppose, and will have to deal with the hardships as they come. I'll miss you, a lot of you. All of you, probably. You have influenced me. I could not wish for different things, for I would not be the same.
Since I might not be on as much in college, my posts will be more serious generally, and I will continue this story there. With that, I leave you with this message: Annoy the heck out of Lauren Garrity for not saying hi to me at all when she came to Penn Square.
P.S. I'll prolly edit in my new address, or at least make it one of my subscriptions, when it exists. |
